Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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