Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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