I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
