I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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