I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
