We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
