Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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