I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
