I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
