i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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