Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
COCAINE IS GR8
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