Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize