i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
