Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
