Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
