i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize