She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
a search helicopter?!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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