trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
