Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
