tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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