Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
