You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
