Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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