There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Randomize
