let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
