it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize