Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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