that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
too bad you live with your parents still
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
