I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
