So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
