If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
