I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
