I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize