sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
