Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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