He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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