i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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