batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That accounts for only three of the penises
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
