My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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