can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
only you would photoshop your dick
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
