I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
