we're blogging at a bar
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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