its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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