you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
