from now on my penis is your penis
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
