My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
