I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
