i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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