You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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