Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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