wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
