Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
