OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
