STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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