I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize