Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
