is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
