I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
