now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
