obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize