Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
