"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
