the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize