my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
