she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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