If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
