You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
