Swine flu. Run for my life!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
