She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
