we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
