Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
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