i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
