Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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